I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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