Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
