I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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