she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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