i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
