it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
