I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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