i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
