As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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