Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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