Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
