I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
