she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
