I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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