JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
