did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
