I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
