jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
