i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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