you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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