Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
