i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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