So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
