So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
