idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
