I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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