Do you still have your period?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
