oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
