she smelled like a LAN party
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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