Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
