So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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