New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
