if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
