She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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