This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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