you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
