i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
PANTIES FOUND
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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