i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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