Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
