so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
