Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
