Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
