But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
