Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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