so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
