we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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