there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
