I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
