At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
