im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
