I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
