Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
